YOU WANT HIM TO PROPOSE TO YOU? READ THIS!!

Sunday 30 June 2013

YOU WANT HIM TO PROPOSE TO YOU? READ THIS!!

Most women have fantasized since childhood of a traditional proposal where the man she loves romantically asks for her hand in marriage. Aware of the fact that he needs time to make this important decision, you date and you wait. Frustrated, you want to be fair and give him the time he needs, but you're wondering how much time is appropriate before you move on?

If you've been dating Mr. Wonderful for a year or more and are hoping for an engagement ring by next Valentine's Day (less than 90 days away), there are strategies you can use to get him to think settling down with you is the best idea he's ever had.

Countering His Fears of Marriage

Guys enjoy being the boyfriend because such a dating relationship provides the benefits of a commitmentwithout the obligations and limitations of marriage. Young men may be somewhat afraid of marriage, thinking that it is an institution that limits their freedom and makes him emotionally vulnerable to the whims of one woman. After all, comedians joke often about how married sex is either non-existent or boring.

The key is to demonstrate in a variety of ways that you are a fantastic woman… someone he can't be without. Make him feel comfortable, relaxed, secure and loved when he is with you. Don't directly pressure him or grill him with a thousand questions about where he sees the relationship going. Instead, appeal to his visual side with happy pictures of the two of you together. Include people close to him like his family or best friends, or even his beloved dog.

Set up casual dates with happy, newlywed couples so he can see for himself that marriage is not at all as bad as he may have fearfully imagined it to be. Men want a wife they perceive to be a secure, confident, calm, happy and visually attractive woman. Be that woman and the idea of marriage to you will be much more attractive to him.

Be Patient, but Establish Realistic and Clear Boundaries

If a man is not yet mentally or emotionally prepared for the commitment of marriage, he will wait to propose. Though you don't want him thinking you are going to wait forever, you do need to plant the seed of marriage and see if it takes root.

Realize that a man may love you but not feel that he is IN love, so he won't want to marry you now or ever. These guys are perfectly willing to date a woman they like a lot but don't consider "wife" material, while they continue looking for The One.

Take time to reevaluate your relationship if he flatly he tells you he isn't interested in marriage, he makes one excuse after another about moving the relationship forward, or in the event he hasn't mentioned anything about a future with you (referencing marriage and a family of his own) within 12 to 18 months of dating. Dating the same guy for five years or more is flatly a waste of time. Either have the courage to discuss the possibility of a future together, or the strength to let it go and find someone that wants out of life what you want.

Bring Up the Topic of Marriage

Author John Molly interviewed 2500 couples for his book "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others." His research indicates that men will continue to happily date a woman for five years or more without proposing because she never brought the subject up, or she dropped hints instead of telling him flatly what she wanted. Men feel " if it ain't broke, don't fix it!" If they are comfortably getting all their needs met, they may see no reason to change the status of the relationship. If you want marriage, bring up the subject and see what he says.

Many men feel they are not ready for the responsibility of a wife because they believe it is their duty to take care of you. For some men this may mean having certain amount of money in the bank, career stability, or purchasing a home to shelter his new bride. These are common and often stated concerns or goals men have that would postpone a proposal.

For other men, pre-marital goals may include the adventure of sleeping with a woman of every race, or spending a decadent week in Rio with his buddies. But you won't know these things if you don't have an honest conversation which investigates his feelings about marriage.

Don't Give Your All to Anyone But Your Husband

The best way to get a man to propose marriage is to leave him hungering for more of you. Sadly, many women don't use the power of longing to their advantage, and move in, have children, and buy big-ticket items with men they are not married to. In essence these ladies provide single men with the benefits of a wife without any of the responsibilities or obligations. Waking up next to you should be held out as a privilege for a husband only. If you want a man to propose, don't let him spend the night all the time or even much at all, and definitely don't move in with him.

For those that understand the value of a strong sexual connection, not giving your all would include having sex. Within the pages of "Finding Mr. Right," author Stephen Arterburn provides a list of ten relationship mistakes women should avoid. Mistake number ten is "have sex on the first date, or any date, before the wedding." Though this is certainly not the modern nor popular view, Arterburn emphasizes the fact that abstaining from sex before marriage shows a willingness to "place honor and nobility ahead of selfish pleasures."

Fear is a Great Motivator

Men often propose when they are placed in a situation which forces them to confront the realities of life without you. After dating for several years, Eric's girlfriend was planning to move from San Francisco to Florida for a new job. "The thought that she would be so far away hurt…I didn't know what I would do without her. I proposed the day before she left."

Jason said he knew his wife was the girl for him and was motivated to propose quickly due to his fear of being a bachelor forever. "I was ready to move ahead with life… have a family and get out of the rat-race of dating. I see my 30-something year old friends trying to find a woman and the stuff they go through is insane. I'm so happy I'm married and not in that mess anymore!"

Faith is an on-air radio personality and stand-up comic here in the Bay Area. She and her husband Daniel knew each other for more than five years as the greatest of friends, performing in theatre productions and attending both church services and classes together.

One day Daniel realized that he couldn't continue to be her platonic friend because he had reached a stage of life where he wanted more. Courageously, he told Faith that he didn't want to be her friend anymore, and thereby risked losing her altogether. Terrified of life without Daniel, a tearful Faith was forced to accept that playtime was over and that Daniel was indeed the man for her. Now 12 years later, they are "still on the honeymoon." With several young children in tow, they smilingly describe their relationship as "one of soul mates and the best of friends."